| Loud ringing cell phone Bonus: They stare at it while it rings |
Overly proud Alumnus | Know It All parent explaining things for school | Parent discussing "full ride" scholarship | Parent upset kid is at this school |
| Parent excited kid will rush for their fraternity/sorority | Sleeping parent | "Free" services offered at school even though you're paying for it all | Parent telling everyone how smart their kid is | Parent explaining why they turned down Ivy League school Bonus: "It wasn't a good fit" |
| Parent asking about laundry | Campus Bookstore | FREE SPACE |
Parent asking how to check student grades Bonus: School doesn't mention FERPA |
Question for every topic |
| Hors d'oeuvres Bonus: Someone takes some to-go |
University administrator which nobody is too sure what they do | Entire family in tow | Meaningless statistics about the incoming class of freshmen | University President |
| Student's boyfriend/girlfriend already goes here | Someone saying "this is just a stepping stone" | Crying Mom or Dad | Swag vultures (they grab 2 or 3 of all the free stuff) |
Worrisome parent Asks "what if..." too much |