| Parent telling everyone how smart their kid is | Swag vultures (they grab 2 or 3 of all the free stuff) |
University administrator which nobody is too sure what they do | Someone saying "this is just a stepping stone" | Parent asking how to check student grades Bonus: School doesn't mention FERPA |
| Parent excited kid will rush for their fraternity/sorority | Meaningless statistics about the incoming class of freshmen | Loud ringing cell phone Bonus: They stare at it while it rings |
Coffee | Parent asking how to contact student if they don't answer phone |
| Parent upset kid is at this school | Parent asking about laundry | FREE SPACE |
Campus Bookstore | Living vicariously through student |
| Student's boyfriend/girlfriend already goes here | Overly proud Alumnus | Parent discussing "full ride" scholarship | "Free" services offered at school even though you're paying for it all | You hear of a major you never knew existed "Is that real?" |
| Lost/late parent Bonus: They apologize loudly |
Parent explaining why they turned down Ivy League school Bonus: "It wasn't a good fit" |
Entire family in tow | Hors d'oeuvres Bonus: Someone takes some to-go |
Question for every topic |