| Overly proud Alumnus | Know It All parent explaining things for school | Coffee | "Free" services offered at school even though you're paying for it all | Sleeping parent |
| Campus Bookstore | Swag vultures (they grab 2 or 3 of all the free stuff) |
Parent asking about laundry | Parent excited kid will rush for their fraternity/sorority | University President |
| Crying Mom or Dad | Entire family in tow | FREE SPACE |
Parent explaining why they turned down Ivy League school Bonus: "It wasn't a good fit" |
Student's boyfriend/girlfriend already goes here |
| Someone saying "this is just a stepping stone" | Parent telling everyone how smart their kid is | Parent asking how to contact student if they don't answer phone | Lost/late parent Bonus: They apologize loudly |
Hors d'oeuvres Bonus: Someone takes some to-go |
| Parent dropping ACT/SAT scores | You hear of a major you never knew existed "Is that real?" |
Question for every topic | Parent discussing "full ride" scholarship | Parent upset kid is at this school |